Talking About Emotions with Asian Parents (Without Losing Your Mind)
Talking about emotions with Asian parents can feel like trying to explain a meme or what “skibidi” means to them—met with confusion, skepticism, or straight-up dismissal. Maybe you’ve tried to tell them you’re stressed, only to hear, “Just work harder,” or “When I as your age…”; Or you bring up therapy, and they respond with, “You don’t need to talk to a stranger about that stuff. That’s only for family to know.”
It’s frustrating. It can feel invalidating. And honestly? It makes a lot of us avoid these conversations altogether.
For many in the Asian community, talking openly about emotions with family members, especially parents, is easier said than done. This reluctance often stems from cultural expectations, where showing emotional vulnerability may be seen as “losing face” or being “weak.” But as mental health awareness grows—especially among younger generations—more of us are trying to bridge the gap with our parents. We want them to understand that emotions aren’t a weakness and that taking care of our mental health is just as important as our physical health.
So how do we start these conversations without hitting a brick wall? Let’s break it down.
Why Talking About Emotions Matters
Imagine this scenario: you’re going through a tough time and want to share your feelings with your parents. But as soon as you start to open up, they tell you to just focus on studying or working harder. For many, this experience can be disheartening and isolating, as it may feel like there’s no space for emotions in the conversation.
Talking about emotions, however, is essential for mental health. Suppressing feelings can lead to issues like anxiety, depression, and stress, which may impact physical health as well. But for younger generations who are balancing their cultural heritage with the growing openness around mental health in Western society, figuring out how to navigate this space can be especially challenging.
Why Asian Parents Struggle to Talk About Emotions
First, let’s talk about why these conversations can feel impossible. Many Asian cultures value:
Collectivism – Family comes first. Individual struggles aren’t always prioritized if they’re seen as disrupting family harmony.
Emotional restraint – Expressing emotions (especially negative ones) can be seen as weak, unnecessary, or disruptive. The mindset is often: “Suck it up and just deal with it.”
Hierarchy and respect – Parents are seen as authority figures, not necessarily as emotional confidants. Questioning their perspectives can feel sometimes disrespectful.
For our parents’ generation—many of whom grew up with survival-based mindsets—mental health wasn’t a thing. You worked hard, you provided for your family, and you kept going. There wasn’t space to sit and process emotions. While these values bring strengths, such as resilience and strong family bonds, they can sometimes make it harder to discuss emotions openly.
But times have changed, and so has our understanding of mental health. So, how do we help them see that taking care of emotions isn’t a Western thing, a weak thing, or a selfish thing?
How Mental Health Norms Are Shifting in Asian Communities
Thankfully, mental health norms are shifting. Within the Asian community, younger generations are helping to reshape perspectives around mental health, and this shift is influencing their parents as well. Many Asian parents are gradually becoming more receptive to mental health topics as they observe cultural changes around them, including increased mental health awareness on social media and growing visibility of Asian mental health professionals.
Programs and social media campaigns are helping to normalize the idea that discussing emotions isn’t a sign of weakness but a way to build resilience. Asian communities are beginning to recognize that mental health is just as important as physical health, and that embracing emotions can help people lead healthier, more fulfilled lives. So even though parents may not fully get mental health yet, many are more open than they were a decade ago. And that means we have a chance to start real conversations.
Why Opening Up to Parents is Hard
Despite this progress, talking about emotions with Asian parents can still be challenging. Here are some common barriers:
Dismissal of Mental Health Struggles: Sometimes, parents might see mental health concerns as a form of “just stress” or something that can be handled by “working harder.”
Language Barriers: Many Asian languages lack direct translations for mental health terms, which can lead to misunderstandings. For instance, concepts like “anxiety” or “depression” might not have the same meaning or even a specific word in some languages.
Fear of Shame or Judgment: Some parents worry that discussing mental health will bring shame to the family. This stigma can make it difficult for them to fully support their children’s emotional needs.
Understanding these barriers is the first step. The next is finding ways to approach conversations with compassion, persistence, and respect.
How to Talk to Asian Parents About Emotions (Without Losing Your Mind)
If you’ve tried and failed to have this conversation before, you’re not alone. But with the right approach, progress can be made. Here are some ways to ease into it:
Start Small
Don’t go from zero to “Let’s unpack generational trauma.” Instead, try bringing up emotions in a casual, everyday way, and use “I"-statements.
Example:
Instead of “I have anxiety,” try “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with school/work lately.”
Instead of “You never listen to me,” try “Sometimes, I just need someone to listen, even if there’s no solution.”
They may not fully engage right away, but you’re planting a seed.
Use Their Language
Not just literally, but figuratively. Some mental health terms in English don’t translate well into other languages, so try framing emotions in ways that align with their language and their values.
For example:
Stress → Overwork (“My brain feels overworked, kind of like how our bodies feel when we don’t rest.”)
Therapy → Guidance (“Talking to someone helps me clear my mind, like when you ask a mentor for advice.”)
Anxiety → Too much thinking (“My thoughts keep running in circles, and it’s hard to focus.”)
Making mental health concepts relatable can help parents understand rather than dismiss.
Find Common Ground
Most Asian parents understand hardship better than anyone—they’ve lived through a lot. Instead of making it you vs. them, connect through shared experiences.
Example:
“I know you worked hard when you came to this country, but you must have been really scared, too. How did you deal with that?”
Getting them to talk about their own struggles can help normalize emotions in a way that doesn’t feel confrontational.
Show, Don’t Just Tell
Sometimes, it’s not about convincing them with words—it’s about showing them through action. If they see you prioritizing mental health and still being responsible, they might start to accept that taking care of emotions doesn’t mean neglecting responsibilities and that it might actually make fulfilling your responsibilities easier.
Example:
Seeing you go to therapy and still be productive may make them reconsider their assumptions.
Watching you set boundaries while maintaining relationships may help them respect your emotional needs.
Slowly, they may come to see that emotional well-being is a strength, not a weakness.
Be Patient (And Pick Your Battles)
Your parents won’t change overnight. And some stuff, they may never fully understand—but that doesn’t mean the effort isn’t worth it. Sometimes, the goal isn’t to make them fully understand, but to create just enough space for more open conversations and connection. And over time, those small changes can make a big difference.
It’s also essential to give both yourself and your parents grace throughout this process. For many Asian parents, discussing emotions openly is new territory, and they may need time to adjust. Acknowledge the progress you’re making together, and try to celebrate each moment of connection.
Changing the Narrative, One Conversation at a Time
Talking about emotions with Asian parents isn’t easy. But change happens in small moments. Every time you express yourself, educate with patience, or normalize mental health in everyday conversations, you’re chipping away at generational stigma.
You’re not alone in this. And the more we open these conversations, the more we help shift the narrative—not just for ourselves, but for future generations, too.
If you’ve been hesitant to speak up, consider trying one or two of these strategies and remember that even small changes can make a significant difference over time.
So, what’s one small step you can take today to start that conversation?
